Trout Offended Fly Fisherman Would Just Throw Him Back Like That

HAMILTON, MT—Scoffing at the idea that anything about him was not perfect, local trout K’Lasp Slippins was reportedly offended Tuesday that a fly fisherman would simply toss him back in the river. “Look at my fins, look at my lips, any fly fisherman would be goddamn lucky to have me. Fuckin’ prick,” said Slippins, who claimed that every other trout in the river would kill to have his perfectly fatty, torpedo-shaped body. “What do those fish in his cooler have that I don’t? Those fish wouldn’t survive a day in my scales. It’s just brutal to be rejected like that with barely a second thought. Well whatever, that guy is an asshole. I wouldn’t want to be caught by him anyway.” At press time Slippins was questioning whether he was actually the problem after the fly fisher took a picture holding up some bony little nobody.