• Wedding Ring Mistakenly Left Inside Prostitute

  • Baby Born 12 Years Premature

  • Inmate On Top Bunk Scared Of Monster Beneath His Bed

  • Marketing Department Changes ‘Put In’ To ‘Infused’

  • Dance Routine

  • Drunk Driver Killed By Way Drunker Driver

  • Clicking ‘Install’ Kicks Off Hellish Odyssey

  • Cool Cat-Sitter Lets Cats Stay Up All Night

  • Man Who Knocked On Bathroom Door Earlier Sitting At Desk Like Nothing Happened

  • Bears Also On Father-Son Camping Trip

  • Lip Service Applauded

  • Song On Radio Reminds Area Man He’s Been Meaning To Fall In Love And Get Married

  • Beef Industry Recommends 8  To 10 Things Of Beef Per Day

  • Treble Still Turned All The Way Up In Mom’s Car

  • ‘Will They Or Won’t They?’ No One Wonders

  • Jack Of All Trades Enters 7th Year As Temp

  • Baby Accidentally Kissed Right On Lips

  • Friend Wants To Know If That’s Sister In Picture

  • Suspect In 2007 Yogurt Theft Moves Out

  • Vomit Still There


The Onion: Sending Emails For Over A Hundred Years.

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Historical front pages from The Onion's historical archive.