• Terrible Father Gets That Promotion

  • Horny Man Not Even Going To Inflate Her All The Way

  • Mental Note Made To Sweep Up Toenails

  • Man Delivering Baby In Taxi Decides To Go For Emergency C-Section

  • Area Man Still Talking About That One Time He Had To Take The Bus

  • Girlfriend Promises To Not Cry So Much

  • Man Not Really Mirrorgenic

  • Hug Waved Off

  • Worried Perfectionist Reassured By Lazy Slob

  • Lunch Takes Care Of Friendship For A While

  • Bluegrass Quartet Under Impression It Adding To Farmers Market

  • Slaughterhouse Worker Told To Stop Naming Them

  • Chip Off The Old Block Takes A Swing At Mom

  • There’s More Ginger Ale In The Garage, Grandpa Reports

  • Girl You’re Hitting On Just Asked About Your Friend For Second Time

  • Jar Of Change On Dresser Sadly Factoring Into A Number Of Financial Decisions

  • Slower Clock Believed

  • Dead CEO Remembered As Driven Everywhere

  • Harley-Davidson, Jack Daniels To Collaborate On Felony

  • Perspiring Man Welcomes Convention Center Audience To Future Of Sheet Metal


  • RFK Jr. Recommends Eating Good Cancer To Kill The Bad Cancer

The Onion: Sending Emails For Over A Hundred Years.

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