• Insomniac Pulls All-Dayer

  • Living Room Died In

  • All Else Fails

  • Fetus Can Feel Daddy Kick

  • Apology Screamed

  • Brand Name Trusted

  • Second Amendment Advocate Shoots His Mouth Off

  • Government Watchdog Rolls Over

  • Drywall Worker Plastered

  • Cat Taught Not To Sleep In Wok

  • Wife Embarrasses Husband In Front Of Prostitute

  • Self Medicated

  • Greaseball Shitcanned

  • Nation’s Elderly Hit Hard By Closing Automatic Doors

  • Switzerland Finally Snaps

  • Sector Five Breached

  • Drummer Unwanted

  • That Asshole From High School Now That Asshole From TV

  • Area 5-Year-Old Has To Go To The Doctor For Her Buh-gina

  • Harvard-Educated Texan Not Sure Which Place To Mention First


  • Grandma Thankfully Dies Before Sister’s Girlfriend Arrives

The Onion: Sending Emails For Over A Hundred Years.

"*" indicates required fields

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

  • Masochist Dog Enjoys Being Walked Around On Leash While Naked