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Eiffel Tower Washes Up On Delaware Beach
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Package Tracked Doggedly
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Some Lady Weeping In Dairy Aisle
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Cheese Spill Cleaned Up With Nacho
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Pre-Nup Skimmed
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Perverted Ninja Enjoys Being Seen
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Maid Frenched
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Backrub Turns Ugly
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Orphan Can’t Take A Joke
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Five-Dollar Bill In Guitar Case Not Fooling Anyone
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President Lincoln Sick Of Time Travelers
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Bicep Felt On Demand
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Wax Head Hastily Reattached By Night Janitor
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Fat Kid Calls Shirts
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Sweatpants-Wearing Man Needs Rolling Papers
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Man Unwilling To Discuss Lifetime Denny’s Ban
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Ten Pounds Of Phlegm Audibly Rearranged In Burger King Customer’s Chest
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TV Muted While Neighbors Fight
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Dildo Washed
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Four-Year-Old Dressed Nicer Than Local Man
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ICE Agent Panics After Realizing There More Children Than He Has Flash-Bangs
CHICAGO—His heart racing with terror as he found himself completely surrounded, an Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent conducting a raid…
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Remains Of Ancient Race Of Job Creators Found In Rust Belt
WASHINGTON—A team of leading archaeologists announced Monday they had uncovered the remains of an ancient job-creating race that, at the…
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RFK Jr. Greets Trick-Or-Treaters With Big Bowl Of Ape Glands
WASHINGTON—Asking the children to please just take one since he had to acquire the organs from a “sketchy dealer” in…
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