• Eiffel Tower Washes Up On Delaware Beach

  • Package Tracked Doggedly

  • Some Lady Weeping In Dairy Aisle

  • Cheese Spill Cleaned Up With Nacho

  • Pre-Nup Skimmed

  • Perverted Ninja Enjoys Being Seen

  • Maid Frenched

  • Backrub Turns Ugly

  • Orphan Can’t Take A Joke

  • Five-Dollar Bill In Guitar Case Not Fooling Anyone

  • President Lincoln Sick Of Time Travelers

  • Bicep Felt On Demand

  • Wax Head Hastily Reattached By Night Janitor

  • Fat Kid Calls Shirts

  • Sweatpants-Wearing Man Needs Rolling Papers

  • Man Unwilling To Discuss Lifetime Denny’s Ban

  • Ten Pounds Of Phlegm Audibly Rearranged In Burger King Customer’s Chest

  • TV Muted While Neighbors Fight

  • Dildo Washed

  • Four-Year-Old Dressed Nicer Than Local Man


  • ICE Agent Panics After Realizing There More Children Than He Has Flash-Bangs

The Onion: Sending Emails For Over A Hundred Years.

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  • Remains Of Ancient Race Of Job Creators Found In Rust Belt