Vol 54: Issue 10

American Voices, Opinion

World’s Oldest Message In A Bottle Found On Australian Beach
Entertainment

Negative Review Of ‘A Wrinkle In Time’ Peppered With Critic Assuring Readers He Still Totally Supports Diversity
Local

Each Passenger Has Own Theory About How Guy Got Into First Class
Politics

Wilbur Ross Shakes Self Awake After Briefly Dying During Cabinet Meeting
Entertainment

Netflix Executive Unsure How To Tell Barack Obama His Series Idea Just ‘Fawlty Towers’
News, News In Brief

Biologists Still Uncertain About Evolutionary Function Of Ugly People
Politics

Dozens Of Other Countries That Interfered In 2016 Election Annoyed Russia Getting All The Credit
American Voices, Opinion

Fresh Beef Coming To McDonald’s
News, News In Brief

New Evidence Reveals Ancient Greeks Immediately Regretted Inventing Theater
American Voices, Opinion

Apple Employees Called 911 After Smacking Heads On Headquarters’ Glass
News, News In Brief

Report: Human Bones Found On Remote Pacific Island Most Likely Remains Of Those Eaten By Amelia Earhart
Entertainment, Magazine

When This Woman Was Told She Couldn't Vote, She Quietly Obeyed The Law Isn't That Inspiring In Its Own Way?
Politics

Huckabee Sanders Warns Stormy Daniels’ Disclosures Just Steamy, Sexy Distraction From Real Issues
News, News In Photos

Perverted Measles Virus Exposes Itself To Playground Full Of Children
Point/Counterpoint

All My Life, I’ve Worked Hard, Told The Truth, Been A Good Husband And Father, And Today I Was Diagnosed With Cancer vs. I Feel Great!
Infographic, News

Pros And Cons Of Open Relationships
News, News In Brief

Report: Average American Walks Less Than One Mile Each Year With Pants Around Ankles

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.

Explore More

Historical front pages from The Onion's historical archive.