Vol 53: Issue 39

Sports

NFL Pregame Ceremony Honors Retired 52-Year-Old Cornerback As Oldest Living Former Player
Sports

Stadium Delighted By Football Falling Off Kicking Tee
Sports

Offsides Lineman Pointing At Other Team Not To Be Trusted
News, News In Brief

Woman Comes Forward With First Allegations Of Biggest Sexual Harassment Scandal Of 2036
Entertainment

‘How Could Harvey Weinstein Get Away With This?’ Asks Man Currently Ignoring Sexual Misconduct Of 17 Separate Coworkers, Friends, Acquaintances
American Voices, Opinion

Anti-Nuclear Weapons Organization Awarded Nobel Peace Prize
News, News In Brief

Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once
News, News In Brief

World Health Organization Releases Top 10 Most Fucked Up Causes Of Death
News, News In Brief

Mortified Tampax CEO Bursts Into Tears And Runs Out Of Boardroom After Tampon Falls Out Of Briefcase
Commentary, Opinion

Americans Are Tired Of The Same Old Pandering And Stale Ideas We’re Going To Keep Offering Them
American Voices, Opinion

Study: Humans Caught Herpes From Ancient Hominin Ancestor
Sports

Bill Belichick’s Challenge Flag Transforms Into Swarm Of Snakes After Hitting Ground
Sports

Tom Brady Applies Eye Black To Crow’s Feet
News, News In Brief

Report: Breathing Can Extend Lifespan By Several Decades
American Voices, Opinion

Study: Playing Outdoors Protects Against Nearsightedness
News, News In Photos

Nation’s Police Officers Now Too Heavily Armed To Go Undercover Convincingly
News, News In Brief

Newspaper Starting To Worry Spending So Much Time On Facebook Not Healthy For It

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