Vol 51: Issue 43

American Voices, Opinion

Paul Ryan Elected Speaker Of The House
Dispatch, News

Vicious, Feral House Republicans Run Loose Across D.C. Following Resignation Of Caretaker
Local

Conceptual Genius Goes As Self For Halloween
American Voices, Opinion

REI Will Close For Black Friday
Politics

Huckabee Earns Nickel For Presidential Campaign By Painting Old Widow’s Picket Fence
American Voices, Opinion

China Ends One-Child Policy
Politics

Winners And Losers Of Last Night’s Debate
Sports

Team Of Bikini-Clad Women Tend To Injured Dez Bryant In Cowboys’ Rehabilitation Grotto
Infographic, News

The Onion’s Guide To Trick-Or-Treating
News, News In Brief

9 Senior White House Staffers Injured In Collapse Of Overcrowded Truman Balcony
American Voices, Opinion

Hot Dogs Found To Contain Human DNA
Local

Sick Man Slowly Becoming Enthroned In Used Tissues
Politics

Jeb Bush Inching Podium Closer To Center Of Stage During Commercial Breaks
Politics

Carly Fiorina Promises To Fight For Whoever Everyday Americans Are
American Voices, Opinion

Study: Monkeys’ Roars Mean Lower Fertility
Sports

Gruesome, Deformed Jason Pierre-Paul Lurking In Sewers Beneath MetLife Stadium
Politics

John Boehner To Paul Ryan: ‘I Was Once Young And Beautiful Too’

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