Vol 39: Issue 33

Dispatch, News

Mad Scientist's Plot Thwarted By Budget Cuts
Local

Public Urinator Gives Passerby Dirty Look
Entertainment

Woman Only Dates On National Television Now
News, News In Brief

Japan Spotted Hovering Over Algeria
News, News In Brief

Great Lover Also Great At Slinking Out
Politics

The Ten Commandments Ruling
Local

Horrified Teen Stumbles Upon Divorced Mom's Personal Ad
Entertainment, Horoscopes

Horoscope for the week of August 27, 2003
Dispatch, News

No One Makes It To Burning Man Festival
Commentary, Opinion

Billy Crystal Passed Over… Again!
News, News In Photos

Old El Paso Introduces Emergency Taco Kit
Dispatch, News

Graphic Artist Carefully Assigns Ethnicities To Anthropomorphic Recyclables
Commentary, Opinion

Perhaps I've Been A Little Too Tough On Crime
Entertainment, Time Killers

With Whom Are We Avoiding Eye Contact?
Politics

The California Recall Candidates: A Focus On The 87 Front-Runners

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.

Explore More

Historical front pages from The Onion's historical archive.