Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Procrastinating Congressional Candidate Will Eventually Release Rival's Drug-Arrest Record Published: November 14, 2006 Advertising Personal Assistant Called After Scary Dream Continued on next page Explore Tags Vol 42: Issue 45 Related Coverage The Final Episode Of The Topical Papa John’s Comes Under Fire For Cruel Treatment Of The Bulbous, Deformed Creatures That Lactate Pizza Sauce Scientists Warn Americans To Stay Away From That Bird