Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2016

Published:

December 23, 2019

Exhausted Bill Belichick Attempts To Wake Up By Splashing Some Blood On His Face

Pajama-Clad Child Makes Turbulent Rampage Through Dinner Party

Corn Added To List Of Items That Upset Grandma’s Stomach

Nation Shudders To Think How Mad NRA Would Be If Obama Actually Proposed Meaningful Gun Control

Middle-Aged Man In Gym Locker Room Puts Shirt On Before Underwear

Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

Female Presidential Candidate Who Was United States Senator, Secretary Of State Told To Be More Inspiring

Sanders Campaign Headquarters Smashed Up By Gang Of Pinkerton Union Busters

Obama Transformed Into 20-Foot-Tall Monster President After Being Doused With Job-Growth Chemical

Zoo Hosts Contest To Name Baby Of Pregnant Gift Shop Worker

Mom Wants To Know If You’ll Be Free If She Visits 14 Months From Now

Subway Manager Disgusted By Sight Of Cold Cut Combo Devouring Large Rat

Clinton Campaign Treasurer Crushed To Death After Stack Of Campaign Funds Topples Over

ExxonMobil CEO Relieved It Finally Too Late To Do Anything About Climate Change

Lakers Players Curious What It Must Be Like To Be Inspired By Kobe Bryant

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

Nation Too Sad To Fuck Even Though It’s What Prince Would Have Wanted

Report: 750,000 Americans Die Each Year During First Attempt To Get Back In Shape

Christ Does Soft Return To Gauge Interest

Tim Duncan Sternly Reminds Spurs About Maximum Occupancy Limit Of Locker Room

Family Chooses Different Dog Than Reincarnated Grandfather

New Uber Update Allows Users To File Lawsuit Against Company Directly In App

Obama Discovers Telepathic Connection With Military Drone In Afghanistan

Man Getting Futon All Dolled Up For Craigslist Photo Shoot

‘I’m A Trump-Era Conservative,’ Says Horrifying Man 25 Years From Now

Pregnant Women Asked To Leave Convention Hall During Ted Cruz Speech For Safety Of Developing Fetuses

Man Entirely Different Misogynist Online Than In Real Life

Biden Busted In DNC Parking Lot Selling Bootleg ‘I’m With Her’ T-Shirts

God Loses Tip Of Finger In Black Hole Accident

Jury Finds Man Guilty Of Murdering Wife And Children, But Gets It

Pope Francis Beats Confession Out Of Uncooperative Catholic

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

New Study Finds Unplanned Pregnancies Continuing To Decline In Bruce Springsteen Lyrics

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

Black Man Blissfully Unaware His Name Going To Be Hashtag By End Of Week

‘The Onion’ Has Obtained Donald Trump’s Tax Returns And Has Chosen To Destroy Them

Woman Worried She Doing Bad Job Enjoying Massage

Area Man A Staunch Single-Gender Voter

Millions Of Drunk Cubs Fans Rioting In Heaven Following World Series Win

Nation Puts 2016 Election Into Perspective By Reminding Itself Some Species Of Sea Turtles Get Eaten By Birds Just Seconds After They Hatch

Nation’s Still-Undecided Voters: ‘Help, We Can’t Get Our Car Seatbelts Off’

Nation Elects First Black-Hearted President

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Debating Whether To Cancel Winter Vacation Climbing K2

Report: Banana Still Most Popular Fruit For Pretending To Receive Phone Call

City Of Chicago Working Around Clock To Clear 18 Inches Of Bullet Casings From Streets

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Vol 55: Issue 51

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