CHARLESTON, SC—Claiming that the opportunity to give in to all his most base and depraved impulses would definitely hit the spot, local man Randall Guthrie told reporters Monday he could really go for an unbridled bacchanalia of earthly delights right about now. “I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been getting the most intense cravings for unrestrained pleasures of the flesh,” said Guthrie, who explained that indulging in a carnival of fine wines, cheeses, and exotic meats while fornicating with men and women of all ages sounded really good for some reason. “Man, now I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to bathe in the carnal bliss of dozens of beautiful, nubile bodies, their skin dappled in warm sunlight. I need to check and see if anywhere holding wild drunken revelries is open right now.” At press time, Guthrie had reportedly settled for a few olives straight from the jar.
Man Could Really Go For An Unbridled Bacchanalia Of Earthly Delights Right About Now
Published:
