Perfect 4.0 Student Rejected From University Just For Being White Rapist

LAKEWOOD, OH—In what many were calling another blatant act of discrimination in higher education. a perfect 4.0 student claimed Monday that he was rejected from the university of his choice just because he was a white rapist. “I graduated as valedictorian of my high school and played on varsity for two sports, but then I get punished for being a white guy who sexually assaulted some classmates—this is a clear case of affirmative action going too far,” said Ashton Wheeler, noting that in addition to his academic success, he also participated in numerous extracurricular activities, where he found many of his victims. “I just find it that suspicious that a few of my classmates who are Black and Latino got accepted into the same college with scholarships even though they have worse grades than me and didn’t rape anyone. They talk about diversity, but what about the ideological diversity of thinking it’s okay to sexually assault someone, huh? I just never thought I would be rejected on the basis of being a Caucasian rapist, especially when my father raped someone at the same college.” At press time, Wheeler announced he would instead be attending PragerU.