Man Arriving Late To Meet Friends At Restaurant Banished To Farthest Reaches Of Table

PORTLAND, ME—Mere moments after arriving late to a dinner with friends at Daniel’s Restaurant and Pub, 33-year-old software engineer Gregory Lasman found himself banished to the furthest reaches of the table, sources confirmed Friday. Eyewitness accounts revealed that for the offense of arriving 12 minutes after the 7:30pm reservation, Lasman was condemned to the most remote regions of the dining table, leaving him straining to make out a single word of conversation while trapped between his friend’s new girlfriend and someone’s brother who was visiting from out of town. Sources noted that Lasman spent the majority of his exile cursing his own hubris for making him spend precious minutes showering before going out and failing to heed warnings that he should catch an earlier bus, becoming particularly despondent after spotting a plate of potato skins that he knew would never make it to the hinterlands where he would eek out his dinner. At press time, Lasman had reportedly made friends with the waiter out of a desperate desire to simply make it through the meal.