GREENSBORO, NC—Emphasizing that it was clearly outlined in the latest version of its employee handbook, the Human Resources department of local company Thatcher Inc. confirmed Wednesday that any breast milk pumped on company time must go directly to the CEO. “As you can see in section 5, subsection A, all employees who pump during work hours must immediately deposit the bottles to the CEO’s office,” read an email sent by the head of HR, which went on to state that employees caught removing their breast milk from company property would have their paycheck docked and be subject to a formal investigation. “Unfortunately, we’ve seen too many employees abuse this policy by taking several minutes each day to pump while leaving the CEO cranky and starving. Optimally, all milk would go directly from the employee’s breast into the CEO’s mouth, but because this is not always possible, we simply request that you bottle feed him.” At press time, HR followed up with an email scolding employees who had failed to change the CEO’s diaper and informing them their termination was effective immediately.
HR Clarifies That Any Breast Milk Pumped On Company Time Must Go Directly To CEO
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