Every Character In 19th-Century Novel Really Worked Up About Some Guy Wearing A Yellow Cravat To Church

SAUGATUCK, MI—Flipping ahead a few pages to gauge the story line’s length, local woman Mariann Delaney confirmed Thursday that every character in the 19th-century novel she’s reading sure is awfully worked up about the gentleman who wears a yellow cravat to church. “Seems like everyone in town has something to say about Mr. Rothshire and his yellow cravat,” said Delaney, who has reportedly been reading about how the garment has made the otherwise respectable member of the gentry a “laughingstock,” “outcast,” and “menace to proper society” for more than 30 pages already. “It started when Miss Birmingham saw the tailor hand it to him, and I have to admit I didn’t realize it was more than an extraneous detail until the widow Dorrington caught sight of it during Sunday service and began to quietly weep. From what I can gather, this canary-colored neck scarf has made him some sort of social pariah, and now pretty much all the townspeople are speculating upon whether he’ll be called to face the court. They’re saying it’s even worse than when Reverend Cromarty agreed to let Madame LeGrand serve her tart berry pie at the annual Easter banquet.” At press time, Delaney observed that matters had only worsened for Mr. Rothshire once word got out that the yellow cravat had been wantonly fashioned from foreign silks.