Alfonso Soriano Regrets Joining 40-40 Club After Meeting Other Members

WASHINGTON, DC—Upon recording his 40th stolen base of the season, in addition to his 45 home runs, and gaining entry into baseball’s exclusive 40-40 club, Nationals left-fielder Alfonso Soriano said that after meeting the other three members—Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, and Alex Rodriguez—he now understands why no one has joined in the past eight years. “From all I had heard, this club was going to give me the opportunity to be among the greats of the game, but it turns out there’s only three guys here, and one of them—this big, dumb guy who I still have no idea how he got in—kept asking me what kind of steroids I take and if I knew anyone else who took them,” Soriano said. “I thought this was supposed to be an elite club, but it looks like they’ll let just about any asshole in.” Soriano later announced plans to reach the 50-50 plateau as soon as possible so he could “get out before A-Rod asks [him] for some help with his swing again.”