God Recalls 1983 Speedboat Accident That Sent Him To Heaven

THE HEAVENS—Acknowledging that He had been behaving recklessly that night, God, Our Holy Father, recalled Monday the speedboat accident in 1983 that originally sent Him to heaven. “The last thing I remember was tearing across Lake Winnepesaukah in a Jr. Executive 21 JRV with my buddy Dave and suddenly slamming right into an outcropping of rocks,” said the Almighty, admitting that He was to blame for not wearing a life jacket and having “a few too many wine coolers.” “Well, next thing I know, I’m in eternal paradise, and I’ve been here ever since. It’s pretty cool, and there’s enough stuff going on that I hardly ever think about getting back on a speedboat.” God went on to say that adjusting to heaven had been relatively easy since his good friend Dave had arrived mere seconds after He did.