There’s just something about women you find completely irresistible. Probably their reproductive organs.
Your life is about to get a whole lot easier. Unfortunately, the same thing can’t be said for your live-in nurse.
Pain will be yours this week when that Man from Nantucket finally hears all the terrible things you’ve been writing about him.
If you had a dollar for every time a gorgeous woman invited you back to her place, you probably wouldn’t be saving for that prostitute right about now.
The kinds of changes that await you this week can be readily found within the pages of most high school chemistry books.
You will once again lie to your dentist about brushing three times a day, flossing regularly, and not sleeping with his wife at the nearby motel every other Tuesday.
Humiliation will be yours this week when astronomers discover four large satellites orbiting around you.
Sure, smoking won’t make you look cool, but at least it’ll give you an excuse for being so incredibly lame.
You’ll put yourself through college by stripping, which wouldn’t be so bad if you were doing it for the tuition money rather than the classroom grades.
An attempt at composing the perfect love sonnet will fail time and again this week when you fall for a girl named Orange.
Curiosity will kill the cat this week, though the microwave, duct tape, and Tupperware container will be mostly to blame.
Like a river that has, due to a number of environmental changes, begun to run dry, so too will your life become strained and hard to parse.
