While the popular weight loss drug Ozempic might seem like a godsend, the medication is not without its downsides, including a laundry list of potential health complications. The following are the worst side effects that Ozempic users don’t want you to know about.
No Longer Getting Money’s Worth At Buffets
There’s no point in going if you can no longer throw back 5 pounds of prime rib.
You Will Lose A Bone
There’s no telling which one, but after a week on the drug, one of your bones will dissolve and foam up out of your mouth.
It Compels You To Host An Hour-long Special On The Drug
Be prepared to debase yourself.
Prophetic Diarrhea
While diarrhea is listed as a common side effect, none of the literature tells you that you will experience horrific visions of future wars, famines, and natural disasters every time you have a bowel movement—and worst of all, no one will believe you.
Weight Transference
While the weight loss is real, the extra pounds only migrate to persons nearby.
That Thing With All The Spiders
When it happens, you’ll know.
Underwhelming Belly Flop Off Diving Board
Some formerly chubby kids can no longer hold the community pool’s attention board due to the weight loss drug.
Identity Crisis
Who are you if you’re not the funny fat guy?
Skinny People Are Expected To Understand Pilates
They use a machine now. You are in way over your head.
It Only Makes You Thin From Side View
Ozempic users are extremely wide and flat.
Gaining Back 500 Pounds During Every Full Moon
Ozempic’s great power comes at a cost.
You Are Still Overweight In All Your Memories
The drug includes a cognitive chemical that ensures it will be impossible for you to alter images of yourself in your mind.
Only Fitting Into Baby Clothes
The only shirts you can fit into say things like “Daddy’s Little Fishing Buddy.”
Eagle Attacks
Everyone should be aware there is a weight you can dip under at which point you’ll be vulnerable to being carried away by a winged predator.
Losing To Terunofuji Haruo In The Sumo Wrestling World Championship
Ozempic may help with weight loss, but it’s not going to help you take down the defending champ.
Turning Into A Shrunken Husk Of Your Old Self, Both Inside And Outside
You may be thin now, but you’ve also lost your sense of desire, your humanity. Was it worth it in the end?
Sad Eyes
Turns out, skinny doesn’t feel good either.
