Grading the annual NFL Player Draft is an inexact science, but some selections are obviously wrong from the start. Onion Sports runs down this year’s most ill-advised choices:
Derrick Harvey, DE, Jaguars: Although Jacksonville could use an outside pass rusher on their defense, Harvey is just a guy Mel Kiper made up
John David Booty, QB, Vikings: An athletic quarterback with an accurate delivery, but scouts say Booty struggles when playing for monumentally shitty organizations
Jordy Nelson, WR, Packers: Can separate from cornerbacks, but only after a months-long, emotionally exhausting argument about whether or not their marriage can work out
Jake Long, OT, Dolphins: Looked good leading up to draft, but after signing with Dolphins, cut his own legs off in order to salvage some dignity
Aqib Talib, CB, Bucs: Highly touted speed shown to be a farce at after-draft party when Talib was unable to outrun a crowd of foxy young ladies in high heels
Kentwan Balmer, DT, 49ers: Was considered a solid tackle going into the draft, but medical tests revealed he is actually about 70% liquid
Various Players, Bears: No one is sure exactly why the Bears decided to take every player in the seventh round of the draft, but odds are that this will not work well for them
William Hayes, DE, Titans: In a brain-dead move of epic proportions, the Titans select Hayes 103rd when any cross-eyed inbred could see they could have easily taken him at 126
Dustin Keller, TE, Jets: Versatile player, but the Jets already have 37 tight ends on their roster
David Vobora, OL, Rams: Last pick in the draft has no business being in NFL, but the Rams saw the heartbroken look on his big old moon face and…Aww, well, you know
