Weddings may cost $80,000 and generally suck shit, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yours in the moment. Here are some of the worst mistakes all brides make when they walk down the aisle.
Not Having A Fiancé
It’s your special day and you decide how you want to celebrate it, but having someone to marry could potentially make your wedding more enjoyable.
Failing To Sign A Prenup With The Officiant
It may seem like an uncomfortable conversation, but failure to do so will result in the Church attaining half of all your possessions in the event of a divorce.
Not Patching Things Up With Cassie
She’s not gonna cause a big scene, but you still don’t want her staring fucking daggers at you the whole time. And it’s not like she didn’t have her chance with Gregg.
Still Getting A Lap Dance From Stripper From Night Before
You probably shouldn’t have had your bachelorette party the night before anyway, but at the very least, you should’ve sent the oiled-up stud home by now.
Marrying Your Partner’s Twin
Never ideal, but if it happens, it happens.
Swapping Bodies With Your Mom
Weddings can be stressful, but that’s no excuse to have a Freaky Friday experience and switch bodies with your 70-year-old mom so that she can deal with your fiancé’s family.
Having No Place To Dispose Of Mounds Bar Wrapper
You’re done with the candy bar you were eating as your father escorted you to the altar, but now you have to just hold the wrapper unless you can discreetly pass it to a bridesmaid.
Forgetting To Have Fun
Spend the rest of your life regretting who you marry, but not today.
Hiring A 16th-Century Portrait Artist Instead Of A Photographer
Guests will not enjoy having to pose for several hours in order to capture the moment.
Forgetting To Get Married
Sometimes you get so wrapped up in the fun that you forget to actually exchange rings and say I do.
Not Putting An Extra Buck In The Parking Meter
Ugh. Who knew your future husband was such a chatty Cathy when it came to vows?
Not Leaving A Note On The Door Of Every Room On Your Hotel Floor Warning Them You And Your New Spouse Will Be Having Sex Tonight
This seemingly small but conventionally polite gesture makes a huge difference in the experience of those staying in your reserved room block.
Not Choosing A Bridesmaid To Stone
It’s important to honor the wedding tradition of choosing a bridesmaid to stone to death and allowing your guests to gather large rocks to bludgeon her with.
Throwing The Bouquet Way Too Hard, Hitting A Ceiling Fan That Then Drops And Decapitates All Of the Guests
This can put a serious damper on the evening.
Sleeping Through The Whole Thing
Oftentimes brides are so exhausted leading up to their wedding that they snooze their alarm through the whole thing, only to hear about how fun it was from those who did attend.
Confusing 1848’s Treaty Of Guadalupe Hidalgo With The Treaty Of Tordesillas
The essay portion of the wedding ceremony is the most intense for many brides.
Showing Up On Time
If the ceremony starts at 3 p.m., you’ll come off as a little too eager if you show up anytime before 5.
Getting In A Pie-Eating Contest Right Before The Ceremony
Sure, you never back down from a challenge, but there’s a time and place.
Not Hiring Tom Savini To Do Your Makeup
The iconic legend of horror film prosthetics is the perfect choice to make you look like a beautiful monster on your big day, so don’t choose anyone else.
Murder
This is your special day, but no one is above the law no matter how justified it was to kill.
Giving The Limo Driver Your Real Address
Oh no. Now he knows where you live.
