Woman At That Age Where All Her Friends Getting Prosecuted For Losing Pregnancies

DALLAS—Resigned to the fact she was “just at that age,” local 28-year-old Kelly Morton confirmed Tuesday that yet another one of her friends was getting prosecuted for losing a pregnancy. “It’s like I can’t go a single week without another girlfriend announcing she’s facing criminal charges for a miscarriage,” said Morton, who remarked that she could not help but feel “left behind” now that half of her closest friends were moving into brand-new prison cells and starting whole new lives behind bars. “Don’t get me wrong, they’re still my best friends, but it’s like when we hang out all they want to do is talk about when they’re due in court and who the best defense attorney is. I just can’t see myself being ready to go to prison for an ectopic pregnancy until I’m 35, at least. There’s still so much I want to do on the outside.” At press time, Morton added that her whole Instagram feed was practically mugshots now.