The Guantánamo Bay detention camp in Cuba welcomed its first detainees 20 years ago, inaugurating one of the most controversial elements of the U.S. war on terror. The Onion celebrates the first 20 years of the Gitmo.
2001: Couple of detainees brought to camp for soft opening.
2003: Number of detainees reaches all-time high, officially making the world the safest it has ever been.
2004: Supreme Court rules detainees are just as entitled to America’s corrupt and inhumane legal system as anyone else.
2006: Defense Department attributes three detainees’ suicides to the growing influence of urban legend phenomenon Slender Man.
2009: Prison staff hold productive offsite retreat to come up with new torture ideas.
2013: After detainees coordinate hunger strike, military begins force-feeding them so as not to hurt feelings of Guantánamo chef.
2015: Obama dismisses Google Calendar reminder to shut down the facility.
2016: Several Yemeni detainees released from facility to be used as future drone strike targets.
2024: Biden reverses Biden-era pledge to shut down Guantánamo.
