William Barr Celebrates Holidays By Giving Lethal Injections To Those Less Fortunate

WASHINGTON—Grinning cheerfully as he did his best to spread the spirit of the season, Attorney General William Barr was reportedly celebrating the holidays Thursday by giving out lethal injections to those less fortunate than himself. “It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle bustle and forget to help end the lives of folks on death row who are down on their luck,” said the attorney general, his arms laden with syringes to share with all the men and women who would otherwise have to do without this Christmas. “It’s a lot of work and it means taking time away from my family, but it’s all worth it to see the look on these condemned prisoners faces as the life slowly drains out of their eyes. The sad thing is that no matter how many injections I give out, there’s always a long line of people who still haven’t gotten one, but you have to focus on the little bit of difference that you can make.” Barr added that he had put together his own homemade cocktail of deadly chemicals which added a more personalized touch than giving out some generic store-bought potassium chloride.