WHO Pushes For More 'Ouchless' Adhesive Funding

WASHINGTON, DC—Amid mounting evidence of White House ties to Enron, President Bush attempted to distance himself from yet another failing Texas energy company Monday. “I have had no business dealings with this particular company,” Bush said. “Why would anyone associate me with a Houston-based energy giant that’s mismanaged itself into the ground?” Bush added that his oil company was already almost bankrupt when he took it over, and that it was not his decision to trade away Sammy Sosa.