Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine:
Children:
Nat Kaine—an active duty infantry officer in the United States Marine Corps—and two others
Previous Occupation:
Prospective vice presidential candidate
Years Spent Sort Of Blending Into Scenery:
58
Religious Views:
Weird kind of Catholic where you don’t let it affect your political decision-making
Likability:
It’s becoming increasingly clear this doesn’t matter
Favorite Food:
Plain
Relationship To Banks:
Committed, long-term
Childhood Dream:
To help shore up support among conservative Democrats and secure a pivotal swing state
Biggest Strength:
Can speak Spanish almost as well as the many actual Hispanic candidates Clinton could have chosen
Biggest Liability:
As Virginia governor, appointed Robert Bloxom as State Secretary of Agriculture and Forestry, and look how that shit-for-brains fucked everything up
Volunteer Work:
Has worked as missionary converting Hondurans and, more recently, undecided voters
Political Positions:
Please refer to HillaryClinton.com
