Indiana governor Mike Pence will reportedly be Donald Trump’s running mate on the Republican ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Pence:
Current Residence: Real America
Little-Known Fact: All
Strengths: White, red-faced
Weaknesses: Overt prejudices against homosexuals, Syrian refugees, immigrants, welfare recipients, and abortion patients doesn’t bring anything particularly new to Trump campaign
Occupation: Former, future talk radio host
Inspirational Background Story: Somehow overcame growing nationwide biases against white, heterosexual, Christian men to become governor of Indiana
Level Of Social Conservative: Extra staunchy
Views On LGBT Rights: Believes gay couples are entitled to the same respect as perverted, deviant straight couples
Accomplishments As Governor: Shifted Indiana from oft-overlooked state to lightning rod for condemnation
Gubernatorial Campaign Motto: Leviticus 20:13
Favorite Sexual Position: Non-penetrative
Title Of Future Autobiography: Running For Dear Life: My Hellish Four Months Inside Trump’s Fractured Mirror-World
