White House Says Biden Still Energetic Enough To Have Customary Morning Intercourse With Jill

WASHINGTON—In an address detailing the commander in chief’s health following a recent Covid 19 diagnosis, White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre told reporters Thursday that President Biden remained energetic enough to have his customary morning intercourse with the First Lady. “Despite some mild symptoms from the coronavirus, the president is still vigorous and more than able to carry out his duties of bringing both himself and the first lady to a shuddering climax,” said Jean-Pierre in a statement in which she reassured Americans that the president continued to make love this morning with the virility and attention to Jill’s needs of a man half his age. “Admittedly, his mild cough prevented him from pursuing his most common course of orally pleasuring for the first lady. However, any concerns we had about the president’s condition were immediately dismissed early this morning when the staff heard the sensual moans of both him and the first lady coming from inside the Lincoln Bedroom. Let me put an end to any speculation here: President Biden is clearly still in his sexual prime.” Jean-Pierre then confirmed this particular sexual act consisted of 17 total pumps and ended at 8:03 a.m. before concluding the press conference without questions.