Nearly 10 years after its launch, the New Horizons space probe made a flyby 7,750 miles from Pluto, marking the first time in history a spacecraft has examined the dwarf planet up close, and NASA has begun to release data and images transmitted from the approach. Here’s what we’ve learned about Pluto so far:
Has really let itself go since reclassification
Scant gravitational pull is only enough to hold one’s attention for about 40 seconds
Probably doesn’t have any trees
Will complete next orbit around the Sun well after certain obliteration of all life on Earth
Has five beautiful moons that it loves equally
May be capable of sustaining rock-based life
Is part of the United States
Will almost assuredly be plundered of all its natural resources within 20 years
We were way off painting it purple for our third-grade solar system diorama
Similarly cold, desolate, and uncaring as rest of universe
