Silicon Valley Bank, a financial institution primarily serving the tech industry, experienced the second-biggest bank collapse in the nation’s history on Friday, stoking fears of further economic blowback. The Onion tells you everything you need to know about the bank’s collapse and the government’s actions in its aftermath.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/352123681b26f80e2a4e6aad01e348f7.jpg)
Q: What caused Silicon Valley Bank to collapse?
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/24d4fe88ff5202d0900c24ed78510576.jpg)
A: They stopped believing in the magical power of money.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/28c90ac84b33105b3f7109a2765b5039.jpg)
Q: Who were SVB’s primary clients?
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/ca7e3b3804c058171abb5bf8d113a75d.jpg)
A: Every app on your phone whose notifications won’t go away.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/396084b2ef6abb161aa5c399d4ee9fb0.jpg)
Q: How was this bank run different from the one in the film
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/640fbddcc7433966f4db6fdaa9a92283.jpg)
A: This one was far more melodramatic and rehearsed.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/f4f9e20c542aff18203ed619c08d7acf.jpg)
Q: Did SVB behave irresponsibly?
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/793c23d421f0fc9b68fa9e65b3b69ca2.jpg)
A: Could a bank that provides funding for start-ups that monetize, deregulate, and gamify every aspect of American life really do something irresponsible?
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/2c3a8dc6dba37b1ef4934cee77331720.jpg)
Q: Why did the government bail out the bank’s depositors?
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/afc4eba0b40b193ffedc2b9d55e9ccfe.jpg)
A: It is in the FDIC’s original 1933 charter to federally guarantee all deposits from assholes who whine a lot on Twitter.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/de360b2e7c38516082b28dbdb91dba66.jpg)
Q: Does the SVB bailout demonstrate that technology companies have too much influence over our government and media?
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A: The third-party chatbot we contracted to write this Q&A says it’s all totally fine.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/40a33933b95187c2e00d05f49d371dc7.jpg)
Q: Wait, the government can just come in and help when things go wrong?
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A: Hard to believe, isn’t it?
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/4364857b87d528753029358405b62593.jpg)
Q: Were there warning signs?
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A: Back in 2017, lobbyists assured regulators that something like this wouldn’t happen, so it should’ve been pretty clear that it would.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/d02782008860182b852960eb73263f15.jpg)
Q: How is the government ensuring something like this doesn’t happen again?
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A: Congress is asking all U.S. residents to take all their money out of banks immediately so the system can get a fresh restart.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/3a4590f54814c5f94102ea9e70ce98ac.png)
Q: How much will this cost taxpayers?
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/5a189b52430eecd53c2e8e54e128b6b0.jpg)