Supporters of MDMA therapy say the treatment eases the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, producing lifesaving results for groups such as veterans. Here is what you need to know about the experimental new treatment.
Q: Why did the FDA recently reject MDMA-assisted therapy?
A: They believe it could be a gateway to harder therapies.
Q: What are the risks of MDMA therapy?
A: Potential side effects include prolonged and severe optimism about the future.
Q: What dosage is administered during treatment?
A: One blue dolphin followed by half a yellow daisy.
Q: Who is MDMA therapy recommended for?
A: Anyone who’s too much of a pussy to just sit down and tell a lady in a scarf that you’re really sad.
Q: What if it’s not covered under my insurance?
A: Venmo or CashApp are fine.
Q: Do the clinical trials ever go on forever?
A: No, you’ll be okay. Just breathe.
Q: How does this differ from normal therapy?
A: Regular therapy is not yet decriminalized in multiple states.
Q: Will it fix the feeling of wanting to have sex with your mom?
A: It will make the feeling of wanting to have sex with your mom even better.
Q: How can I try MDMA therapy?
A: This guy’s a fucking cop!
