Hey, gamers! There’s a lull in summer gaming news and we don’t know what to publish today, so here are the definitive instructions on how to bake your Nintendo Switch into an apple pie!
Step 1
Gather your ingredients: apples, cinnamon, sugar, all-purpose flour, nutmeg, just a pinch of salt, and, of course, the main attraction, your Nintendo Switch.
Step 2
Here’s a pro tip! Slicing your apples and then letting them sit in lemon juice for 30 minutes can help bring out the flavor of your Nintendo Switch in the end product. Yum, yum, gamers! Thanks for helping us meet our traffic goals!
Step 3
You might want to cut corners and just jam your Switch into a premade apple pie, but that wouldn’t generate nearly enough copy to make this slideshow profitable, which is why we really recommend going the homemade route.
Step 4
Use a rolling pin to spread out the crust. We’d also recommend you consider the benefits of a lattice top vs. a crumble crust for the pie that you’ll cook your Switch into. It’s really just a question of textural preference! And since this pie will be inedible, it doesn’t really matter either way.
Step 5
Do you ever feel like you’ve missed a lot of opportunities and life is just passing you by? Like you’ve really started creating things for the benefit of a faceless corporation rather than for your own creative benefit? Anyway, you’re going to want to preheat your oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.
Step 6
Place the dough into a 9-inch pie plate and jam the Nintendo Switch in there along with the apples. Look, gamers, July is a slow month. Our bosses are on our ass to drive up click-through rates, so that’s where this sort of thing comes in. We were just sitting in front of our computer, exhausted, and this was the best we could come up with.
Step 7
Bake 40 to 45 minutes. Sidenote: When we approved this article, we figured the word “apple” would generate a few search hits from people looking for news about the iPhone, which is always good for us.
Step 8
Voilá! Remove the pie from the oven. You’re going to want to let the finished product cool for at least 30 minutes. Don’t eat it, though. You can just throw the whole thing out. Look, we’re sorry about this, gamers. This is one of our worst articles ever.
Step 9
If for some reason you like this article though, we always could do more video game cooking slideshows, we guess? Sure. Come back next week for when we bake a PS4 into a potato kugel and deep-fry our Xbox controller. Anyway, we’re going to go to bed now. Talk to you later.
