Veal Calf Approaching Slaughter Wishes It Had Seen More Of 30-Inch Pen

SOUDERTON, PA—Taking stock of his life as his looming death crept ever closer, a local veal calf approaching slaughter reportedly found himself wistfully wishing this week that he had seen more of his 30-inch-wide pen. “If I’m being honest, I regret not trying to turn my head more than 10 degrees in either direction while I still had the chance,” said the Holstein calf ear-tagged as number 3149, who lamented how little he’d seen of the world inside his restrictive pen over the course of his nearly four and a half months on earth. “I thought I had more time. When you’re 4 weeks old, 18 weeks seems so far away. Then one day you find yourself in line to be mechanically eviscerated and realize you never got around to exploring any of those out-of-the-way corners of your high-security electric cage. It’s like I squandered my whole life facing forward—trying and failing to bend my head down to pick up dropped food pellets—when I could have been trying to turn and face the other way. What I wouldn’t give for just one more day to take in the southeast corner of my enclosure!” The calf added that at the end of the day, he was merely grateful to have lived such a long, fulfilling life.