Uber Eats Adds Feature Letting User Purposely Order Wrong Item So They Can Scream At Driver

SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Finally implementing a prototype that customers have been requesting for years, Uber Eats added a new feature Tuesday that lets users purposely order wrong items so they can scream at delivery drivers. “People need to blow off steam after a long day at the office, and we’ve developed tech that allows you to do just that without negatively impacting anyone important,” said Pierre-Dimitri Gore-Coty, senior vice president of delivery at Uber, who performed a demonstration that successfully reduced an independent contractor to tears. “Customer satisfaction is and always has been our number-one priority, and there’s no greater satisfaction than the sheer rush of power you get from seeing the look of utter shock on a 37-year-old immigrant’s face as you viciously lay into them about the obvious difference between sweet potato fries and regular fries. All you have to do is select the ‘wrong item’ box during checkout, and when the driver arrives, just proceed to go absolutely berserk on them by shrieking inches away from their face, ‘How fucking hard is it to get it right?!’ or ‘I don’t deserve this! I’m a goddamn paying customer!’ It’s a completely customizable experience, so feel free to mix it up.” At press time, Gore-Coty added you could also hurl the food at the driver’s windshield for a little razzle-dazzle.