U.S. Sends Military Advisors To Peace-Ravaged Country

WASHINGTON—Declaring that the current state of affairs had gone on long enough, U.S. officials announced Monday that they were sending military advisors to the peace-ravaged country of Finland. “Starting next month, we’re deploying a team of our most dedicated and belligerent officials to Finland in an effort to finally bring some war and chaos to the region,” said Secretary of State Tony Blinken, adding that the U.S. felt obligated as a global leader to ensure that countries long devastated by decades of brutal peace had the means to finally achieve war. “We have of course tried diplomatic means to end peace in this region, but so far have been unsuccessful, which is why military measures are now deemed necessary. There is a complete lack of religious or ethnic tension that has been stoked by outside foreign powers. We hope that the leaders of Finland will not continue to hold their people hostage with regimes of wanton tranquility and freedom, but will work with the U.S. to bring some much-needed instability to the country. We are hoping to get the situation there as out of control as possible as soon as possible.” Blinken added that the State Department had not ruled out the possibility that more proactive measures to end regional peace might be needed, noting that the Biden administration was exploring precision drone strikes against targets known to house leaders of peaceful factions.