Twelve More Pie-Fucking Movies In The Works

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Responding to the box-office success of American Pie, Hollywood studios are prepping at least a dozen films revolving around coupling with pies, Daily Variety reported Monday. “The American people have voted with their dollars, and we must heed the call,” said Paramount executive Hollis James. “Look for the outrageous Boston Cream in Summer 2001, featuring Denis Leary as a screwball waiter with a most unusual ’taste’ in sex.” In addition to Cream, United Artists is in preproduction on the coming-of-age pie-fucking film I’ll Take The Cherry, 20th Century Fox is negotiating with David Arquette to star in Master Baker as “a pastry chef with a secret ingredient you won’t believe,” and Jeff Daniels has signed with New Line to play a televangelist dethroned by a pie-fucking scandal in Jizzes H. Crust! New Line is also interviewing directors for Nobody Does It Like Sara Lee, in which Steve Guttenberg performs cunnilingus on a raspberry torte.