After a four-month suspension of play caused by the coronavirus pandemic, the NBA returns to action in the locked-down Orlando bubble on Thursday, with 22 remaining teams competing for the Larry O’Brien Trophy. Here are Onion Sports’ top contenders.
Milwaukee Bucks
With a bankrupt country imploding all around him, Greek star Giannis Antetokounmpo should feel more at home and comfortable than ever.
Los Angeles Lakers
With LeBron James, Anthony Davis, and dozens of referees who have been paid off by the league, the Lakers are strong favorites.
Toronto Raptors
Remain strong contenders despite having had to cut Fred VanVleet, Serge Ibaka, and Kyle Lowry to afford Disney charging $21 for a fucking turkey wrap and soda.
Boston Celtics
Jesus christ, again with these guys?
Orlando Magic
They have a huge psychological advantage getting to sleep at home in Epcot Center.
New Orleans Pelicans
Look, they probably won’t win but photos of Zion increase click traffic by 45%.
Houston Rockets
Team morale took a huge hit after not a single player was tall enough to ride on Splash Mountain.
Los Angeles Clippers
Kawhi Leonard is still struggling to adjust to the luxury of living in a hotel room with both a mattress and armchair.
Minnesota Timberwolves
They showed up to the bubble and everyone is too nervous to tell them they weren’t invited.
Philadelphia 76ers
Can the Sixers stay healthy? Can any of us stay healthy? What is health? Does ‘health’ simply imply a readiness to work and is thus a concept used by the ruling class to control labor?
Denver Nuggets
League officials dealt a huge blow to their title hopes by rejecting plans to build a mile-high basketball court inside the bubble.
Memphis Grizzlies
Remember, all the other teams could get really sick.
