Move over, wine moms, there’s a new type of negligent parent in town. If you happen to know a mother who smokes cannabis, here are things you should never say.
“Are you really smoking that crumbly schwag in front of your kids?”
It’s not your place to tell a mother she’s not using quality herb.
“In Europe, some parents let their kids rip bongs at the dinner table.”
Yes, but it’s an entirely different culture there.
“I strongly advise against using marijuana while pregnant as it could impair your child’s neurological development.”
Whatever, nerd.
“You shouldn’t be cooler than your kid.”
Not their fault that their kid is a loser who can’t handle their weed.
“That’s not a delicious turkey roasting in the oven, that’s your baby!”
Wait, so where’s the turkey?
“I don’t care for your baby’s Grateful Dead onesie.”
Keep the insults directed at the mom’s clothing.
“Aren’t you potentially normalizing your children’s consumption of Phish?”
Great, time for a 20-minute lecture on the virtues of something probably called the “Groove Stew” or “Funk Apothecary” or whatever.
“Oh man, fentanyl is way better!”
Don’t be pushy. Let her get into fentanyl when she’s ready.
“I tried parenting once in college.”
Now that parenting is legal in many states this isn’t as remarkable as you think.
“I prefer to enjoy
You’re in for a monologue on why this children’s show is amazing when blazed.
“May I make edibles out of your breast milk?”
Breast milk has a low fat content and therefore is not an ideal carrier for THC edibles.
“What will you do if there’s an emergency?”
Any responsible mother has a chill-out tent with bottled water and orange slices if things get out of hand.
“What happens if your child is a fucking narc?”
No mother wants to think about something like that happening to their kid.
“Do you and the rest of the marijuana moms look down upon all the LSD dads?”
Don’t try and cause a rift between drug-themed parenting groups.
“Haven’t you heard? The hot new parenting trend is Migraine Mom.”
For mothers who smoke to alleviate headaches, this could be particularly devastating news.
“Cool, I’m also a stoner that got knocked up.”
It’s important to them that you know you two are not the same.
“I want a divorce.”
You’re ruining the vibe.
