While the First Amendment protects the right to peaceful assembly, the police are often given wide latitude in their ability to disrupt protests, which allows them to use slight provocations in order to arrest or assault citizens. Here are things to never say to police officers at a protest.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/302b46082ac20c6f33f2de7f5f4cd62f.jpg)
“Hello, officer.”
Courts have repeatedly found that verbally acknowledging law enforcement is adequate grounds for the use of force.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/deaab5c195aaeffa2cdbdd312546b648.jpg)
“You’re not the police, I am!”
That’s only going to work maybe 10% of the time.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/e2fb574550587888a7c68fa2995dab31.jpg)
“Wanna get out of here, big guy?”
Best to wait until after the protest to propose a night of steamy lovemaking with an officer.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/5f305dcef9a8bff59eb8c7c6df71c1f9.jpg)
“I am here to peacefully demonstrate aga
A surefire way to get yourself shot.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/541f1d060c78dab2b493849f76e473d1.jpg)
“How do you plan to spend your time after you’re placed on administrative leave for beating the shit out of me?”
It’s best not to jump to this part of the conversation until after you’ve been severely injured or maimed.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/ab2d3c2f0aed97846391535a0c487f0d.jpg)
“I pay your salary!”
The idea here is you’re their boss and their only punishment for beating the shit out of you is a three-day vacation? Probably not worth saying out loud.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/0e2ae855f76c4aa965d64ae927e820e5.jpg)
“I knew your father. Y
Every cop today knows this, but it’s up to their father’s old partner to tell them this, not you.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/ca42b59fe5a9db7acf3a52e02762c1d2.jpg)
“Your gun is showing.”
Pointing this out in front of everyone could embarrass them.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/d76a61ee7f27da4006ee03aa51100c5b.jpg)
“Can you assault me so I’m on the news?”
No need to waste your time asking.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/c23adbcc239d483948096ba35b7923ee.jpg)
“Check, please.”
Cops hate it when you mistake them for waiters.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/dc913fa93abde63f76d124c153828374.jpg)
“We’re actually just here to distract from the bank heist.”
You’re blowing our cover, idiot!
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3c3182d9eccf3afbc00a8f19ee5f4c54.jpg)
“I know my rights.”
C’mon. No you don’t.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/f57272497635a2638bfafc49aadf3d0d.jpg)
“Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke,/Ya gotta understand:/It’s just our bringin’ upke/That gets us outta hand!”
Although most police officers have an abiding love for Sondheim, their hearts lie more with Sunday In the Park With George than West Side Story.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/fe4c66987183c50865d6ac028a31ed49.jpg)
“Can you kill me with one punch?”
It usually takes several, but not for lack of trying.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/1ed161b44cb713d4379e3417b980286f.jpg)
“Help!”
They’re not here for that.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/6ea561f8af728d7cb41537fb432e89bb.jpg)
“Express y
Wrong NWA lyrics.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/b218e5c47ddedc0e40d9ff47df0d0abb.jpg)
“I actually love getting maced!”
Reverse psychology is unlikely to work on these hardened law enforcement professionals.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/a98af5a9a6cbb471cd5aa315b18ae7b5.jpg)
“Can you take my picture real quick so I can head out early?”
If you only came to the protest for a photo op, at least have the decency to get out of there without befriending a cop.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/3382152e8eac3087933fcbfc1c29c58d.jpg)
“I’m a big fan of your work. Can you sign your name and badge number?”
They’ll see right through this shameless ploy.