‘There’s A Razor On The Sink,’ Says Nurse Sending Patient To Bathroom To Fill Up Cup With Blood

NORMAN, OK—Assuring the man it was “all routine,” local registered nurse Danielle Fitzpatrick reportedly told a patient, “There’s a razor on the sink,” Tuesday while pointing him toward the bathroom where he could fill up a cup with blood. “It may be difficult to get it all into the cup, but do your best and we’ll clean up afterwards,” said Fitzpatrick, who instructed the patient to place the container in the deposit hatch in the wall and then come crawling back into the hallway when he was finished. “About halfway up the cup is fine—no need to make it overflow. Beside the razor there should also be a small stress ball you can squeeze. If you still find yourself having trouble, have a sip of water while you think about how little your life has amounted to. Just try to relax.” At press time, the blood test results had indicated the dead man was in perfect health.