The Onion weighs the pros and cons of self-driving cars:
PRO
Can finally spend quality time fiddling with radio knobs
Cities with poor public transportation given the opportunity to dump the systemic problem onto Google or whoever
Frees up drivers to be obscene and aggressive toward each other in all sorts of new ways
Massive savings on steering wheel maintenance
No longer necessary to put life at risk each time you want to adjust the wrapper on your cheese and bacon melt
History has proven that new technological advancements never have any unintended fallout
Don’t have to do thing you previously had to do
CON
Drag races only capable of ending in moderately paced ties
Parents miss out on cherished tradition of improperly teaching child how to parallel park
Not yet confirmed whether they come in blue
Science fiction writers forced to come up with new lazy shorthand for futuristic landscape
Won’t get to threaten truant police officers with six weeks of traffic duty anymore
Majority of Beach Boys catalog now irrelevant
Someone definitely going to hack these things
