Maria Bakalova
Career Beginnings: Yet another Hollywood actress churned out by the talent farm that is the Bulgarian film industry
Acting style: Slavic
Real Age: 11
Glenn Close
Hey, Mama Mia!: That’s Meryl Streep
Number Of Days She’s Continued Speaking In Appalachian Accent After Film Wrapped Up Shooting: 427
Best Known For: Movies
Olivia Colman
Controversy: Continues to win American acting awards as if tens of thousands didn’t perish in the Revolutionary War to stop the British from taking our trophies
Signature Move: Smiling gawkily, looking slightly surprised in an innocent way, becoming increasingly stern, and then shouting
Career High: Being here with you in this slideshow
Amanda Seyfried
Preparation For The Role: Underwent a painful, experimental surgery to swap her eyeballs with those of a dog
Natural Hair Color: None of your fucking business you misogynistic piece of shit
Expected Acceptance Speech Topic: Nothing, as she plans to stare at the audience, making disconcerting eye contact with each one of them, before leaving the stage 3 minutes later.
Youn Yuh-Jung
First Role: This, as far as you know, you uncultured moron
Oscar Ceremony Goals: Get Gary Oldman’s number
Advice To Aspiring Actors: “Kiss the ring, motherfuckers.”
