The global sneaker market has exploded in the past several years to about $70 billion annually, but it can be hard for those looking to develop a sneaker collection of their own to know where to start. The Onion offers tips for starting a sneaker collection.
Begin With A Simple Goal
Start with something straightforward, like buying a pair of Air Jordans, before moving on to something more ambitious, like stealing a pair of Air Jordans off the feet of Michael Jordan himself.
Understand The Lingo
Words like “shoes,” “laces,” and “feet” are a great way to start.
Watch Out For Doll Shoes
While one-to-three-inch versions may look authentic, no human foot will fit in them, so they’re likely counterfeit.
Learn To Tie Your Shoes
This is a necessary prerequisite to fully enjoying sneakers.
Play In The NBA
On top of multimillion-dollar contracts, endorsements from companies like Nike and Adidas make it easy to amass hundreds of shoes without breaking the bank.
Don’t Be Afraid
Fear never stopped Eleanor Roosevelt from collecting one of the greatest sneaker collections of all time.
Colors
You’re going to want colors.
Grow More Feet
There’s no point in having more than one pair of shoes unless you grow at least six additional feet to show them all off.
Look Out For Fakes
If a pair of sneakers doesn’t look authentically made in a sweatshop, it might be counterfeit. Check the craftsmanship for small details that could only have been made with teeny-tiny child hands.
