The global sneaker market has exploded in the past several years to about $70 billion annually, but it can be hard for those looking to develop a sneaker collection of their own to know where to start. The Onion offers tips for starting a sneaker collection.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/785879e02b3e26436426734b578da593.png)
Begin With A Simple Goal
Start with something straightforward, like buying a pair of Air Jordans, before moving on to something more ambitious, like stealing a pair of Air Jordans off the feet of Michael Jordan himself.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/44cc076d8590456f557786564111ec75.png)
Understand The Lingo
Words like “shoes,” “laces,” and “feet” are a great way to start.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/9b40aaa224205b1d22dd10aced99a944.png)
Watch Out For Doll Shoes
While one-to-three-inch versions may look authentic, no human foot will fit in them, so they’re likely counterfeit.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/1c7939138991dbb6fb1614557a1a2aa4.png)
Learn To Tie Your Shoes
This is a necessary prerequisite to fully enjoying sneakers.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/f6b33ea7cad16bbbdd79220ba3d6d6df.png)
Play In The NBA
On top of multimillion-dollar contracts, endorsements from companies like Nike and Adidas make it easy to amass hundreds of shoes without breaking the bank.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/qtui519pyacgqojkcyjd.jpg)
Don’t Be Afraid
Fear never stopped Eleanor Roosevelt from collecting one of the greatest sneaker collections of all time.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/9913fa7948b727a428347e3333acb46a.png)
Colors
You’re going to want colors.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/f70d0be235b79359d6476edb7444c5cb.png)
Grow More Feet
There’s no point in having more than one pair of shoes unless you grow at least six additional feet to show them all off.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/d852b9a7e9a43c7e5a4f233fd4c54998.png)
Look Out For Fakes
If a pair of sneakers doesn’t look authentically made in a sweatshop, it might be counterfeit. Check the craftsmanship for small details that could only have been made with teeny-tiny child hands.