Actors Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have been busy doing press for their respective summer releases, the romantic drama It Ends With Us and the Marvel blockbuster Deadpool & Wolverine. The Onion sat down with the Hollywood power couple to discuss parenting, their business endeavors, and what fans can look forward to next.
The Onion: So, you two are still together, huh?
Reynolds: According to my Wikipedia entry, it seems we are!
The Onion: What are you most proud of?
Reynolds: Aviation Gin.
Lively: Three of our four children.
The Onion: Many fans have described your relationship as “couple goals.” Which celebrity couple do you aspire to emulate?
Reynolds: Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson, in the summer of 2009, when the world was bright and new.
Lively: Age gaps are always hard to navigate, but Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn have made it look easy for decades.
The Onion: What would surprise people the most to learn about your spouse?
Lively: The contents of this dossier. It’s not safe for me to say more here, but his reign of terror must end. It’s in your hands now. Godspeed.
Reynolds: She likes her scrambled eggs with a half-tablespoon of crème fraîche.
The Onion: Any plans to work on more projects together?
Lively: We’d love to rule a small European country, but the timing hasn’t worked out so far.
The Onion: Can you describe your perfect date night?
Reynolds: Definitely. I think we’d start the night at a Wrexham AFC soccer game, taking advantage of Mint Mobile’s $15-a-month unlimited talk and text plan to wish our kids goodnight.
Lively: After that, we’d enjoy a nice glass of Betty Buzz premium soda, followed by a Betty Booze premium cocktail, if we’re feeling rowdy. Then we’d settle down for the night with a Blake Brown Fundamental Strengthening Mask or Rich Reset Pre-Shampoo Mask.
The Onion: Ryan, aside from Deadpool, who is your favorite Marvel superhero?
Reynolds: Anyone Glen Powell isn’t already attached to play.
The Onion: Who’s the romantic in your relationship?
Lively and Reynolds: Hugh Jackman.
The Onion: What is the weirdest piece of tabloid gossip you have ever seen about yourselves?
Reynolds: That one of us had let ourselves go—when actually, we’re both stunningly attractive movie stars.
Lively: That I threw a dog in the ocean and left it. It was a lake!
The Onion: Can you talk about some of your favorite times trolling each other on social media?
Lively: I made a burner account and spread rumors Ryan was operating a child sex-trafficking ring, causing him to be harassed for months by QAnon neo-Nazis.
Reynolds: I doxxed Blake’s parents.
The Onion: Before we wrap this up, is there anything you would like to surprise us with?
Reynolds: Would I be Ryan Reynolds without an unnecessary cameo?
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Hello.
