![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/87749564a86f01a4188fe89cd0fa6b07.jpg)
Study Finds Children Of Divorce Better Prepared For Life’s Relentless Misery
GAINESVILLE, FL—Noting how advanced their depression was from an early age, a study published Tuesday by researchers at the University of Florida found that children of divorce are better prepared for life’s relentless misery.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/478742ca7f128034d390baceeaf8a20d.jpg)
Things To Never Say To A ‘Yellowstone’ Fan
Yellowstone, a show that has become mandatory viewing for white males over 50, follows cattle rancher Jon Dutton as he navigates the struggles of owning and operating Yellowstone Dutton Ranch. If you know someone who watches the wildly popular TV series, here are things you should never say to them.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/c3788a0ebe1fd3f017aeaabf3b6c5f65.jpg)
Kamala Harris Rigs Dummy To Look Like It Typing Anytime Someone Cracks Office Door
WASHINGTON—In an attempt to dupe others into believing she was in her office working rigorously at all hours of the day, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly rigged up a dummy Tuesday to look as if it were typing anytime someone cracked the office door.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/48e53c4f04a894f8073befc55c7b0104.jpg)
Teen Mom Wants Another One
GALENA, IL—Saying that she didn’t want to wait until she graduated high school to give her 6-month-old a baby brother or sister, local teen mom Lacey Reed told reporters Tuesday that she wanted another one.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/506af8b1c7a8b9603606a29e57354e57.jpg)
Nation Settles For Jimmy John’s
WASHINGTON—Faced with a growing appetite and a dwindling amount of time, the nation settled for sandwiches from Jimmy John’s on Tuesday, according to sources.