Terrell Owens Career Highlights

1978: Directs his first really good passive-aggressive comment toward his mother’s habit of washing dishes while he’s trying to watch TV

1988: Drops his first pass, realizes it isn’t so bad

1996: In only three hours, manages to destroy the team chemistry of the caterers working at the NFL Draft

1999: Turns a 10-yard hook route into a 78-yard first down celebration

2000: Celebrates two TDs on Texas Stadium’s midfield star logo as a visiting player, proving to Jerry Jones that he is Cowboys material

2004: Hints that Jeff Garcia may be gay by saying he sees Garcia at all the gay bars he frequents

2005: Wins his part of the Super Bowl

2006: Takes a lot of drugs for some reason, but reportedly not to kill himself out of self-loathing, which is odd, as that would make a lot of sense

2007: Celebrates a touchdown against the Packers by throwing a rack of barbecued baby back ribs into his face

1996–2008: Totally wide open on that play