The House Ethics Committee has reportedly interviewed witnesses about Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) attending a house party with minors, alcohol, and illicit drugs. The Onion asked teenagers what it was like to party with Matt Gaetz, and this is what they said.
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/ee2dc34528af07bd02b972e74ee51874.jpg)
Hannah Lee
“The cocaine and MDMA were great, but I couldn’t help but feel like Matt was a little immature for me and my 15-year-old friends.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/eijrugjz1sgsti63ouci.jpg)
Ethan Reynolds
“Way more fun than that stick-in-the mud Jim Jordan, I’ll tell you that!”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/ad3cf7af527b7c8cb36a4bf44c09161c.jpg)
Tyler Wilson
“Dude was so fucked up, he tried to have have sex with a bean bag chair he thought was a passed-out girl.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/c041e9de90bbaeedfa54747858d043b8.png)
Madison Hart
“He was pretty quick to dump my friend’s body in the woods after she ODed.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/1e918f318011b23ec6025e8f09909029.jpg)
Tyler Hoeber
“He kept complaining that all the chicks were all too old and busted.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/1996d25ba75d25cc330b168623c57b84.jpg)
Izzy Smith
“I think he gave the dog chlamydia.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/811f06cc51e657783fc2c7970ae399cc.png)
Jake Santizo
“We asked him to buy us some beer, and he showed up with 12 kilograms of cocaine.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/78b77ae31c7d5a0887de6bdf301402af.png)
Samantha Keates
“He threatened to send my entire family to a gay conversion camp if anyone ever found out about this.”
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Cara Anderson
“I’m sure in the future it will feel like a painful scar cauterized into my brain that I can never escape. But for now, the cocaine is making it pretty fun.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/76589fe728fd6aead5253e01cde64249.png)
Angelina Bowman
“He seemed really freaked out when he found out my parents were upstairs.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/8c90af98f90398cb84156f1728397aa5.jpg)
Blake Freemantle
“Matt was badgering me all night about when the JV cheerleading squad was going to show up.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/0e318563125422dfb69e30030a4b0e64.jpg)
Isabella Garcia
“It was fun at the time, but I’m a little disappointed after realizing he paid everyone else $1,000.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/ef6d6853265d3bc61db68d9db9fc3c6f.png)
Jackson Wright
“Does it count as partying if he just approached me outside of a Hot Topic and then got too shy and ran away in tears?”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/f1b5cd7c278485a37e6d6c81d39bc706.png)
Maddy Hernandez
“The guy who took the laced MDMA and tried to cut off his own testicles with a kitchen knife? He was chill.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/6a3e75858b703698cff50fc3fc0d7677.png)
Alexa Taylor
“He was a very gracious, caring host, and my only quibble is probably the way he sexually harassed me and all of my underage friends.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/a67083986c372f193d0e660a6d95be28.png)
Kelsey Eckert
“I felt pretty bad taking his virginity.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/55dc82a65ccb55e0751c5fdd945ab891.png)
Bri Hurst
“Came faster than my first middle school boyfriend.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/a346139276a96287f7c3320603000620.jpg)
Lily Adams
“He gave all of us cowboy hats, and then he put on his own cowboy hat, and then he said ‘do I look cool, like a cowboy?’ and we all just avoided eye contact.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/c49ea49199af9d41e0e47b72c1f04771.jpg)
Chloe Kwei
“He asked to see my ID, then lost interest when he saw I was 18.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/79d9b5e89002d3773f5cf20bee88d273.jpg)
Caden Cunningham
“Matt Gaetz is lame as fuck. Now Nestor? That guy’s a party animal.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/818d11b4985948558030598728a5dec0.jpg)
Emma Thurston
“He has the torso of a 5 year old, which actually made me feel like I was the groomer.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/0580639514da9b1020e92d6cf8a43b2d.jpg)
Ethan Arzu
“It’s always awkward when your drug dealer wants to hang out.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/f21ab671e1c1c4d6fdbbeb72b4b6f30c.png)
Kaylee Fernandez
“We were going to hook up, but I got the ick when he told me he’d never done this before.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/54ee8809bd027dcbbdb279bb3a3bfb00.png)
Luna Clark
“I liked his big head, but I didn’t like that he was trying to statutory rape everyone there.”
![The Onion](/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/3ebb2aeb6cd32d33644854760fd85419.jpg)
Riley Lewis
“We had to get a fumigator because he refused to leave my closet.”