Tearful Norwegian Teen Bids Goodbye To Parents Before Leaving For National Service In Black-Metal Band

TROMSØ, NORWAY—Assuring his family and himself that two years would be over before they knew it, tearful Norwegian teen Svein Eriksen reportedly bid goodbye to his parents Wednesday before leaving for his mandatory national service in a black-metal band. “I know I must serve my country by playing bass and writing satanic lyrics while touring dive bars across Norway, but all the same, I’m really going to miss my family,” said Eriksen, who had already adopted the black clothing, studded accessories, and corpse paint of the national service uniform. He added that he was dreading basic training, where he would be taught how to cut himself and be forced to grow out his hair. “I guess I’m feeling okay about the songwriting and music theory classes, but it’s one thing to learn about our national project to drag humanity into a pit of rage and violence, and quite another thing to actually have to carry that out. Although I guess it all depends on where I get deployed, whether that’s with Darkthrone, or Beezlebub’s Cock, or some band they haven’t even formed yet, but I’m pretty conflicted about going on tour either way. I heard it can get pretty violent. Plus, one of my friends keeps saying that if it’s such an honor to serve in these black-metal bands, then why does the government have to make it compulsory? He says it’s just a lie to keep these bands going, and there’s no honor in it at all.” Before departing his family’s home, Eriksen reportedly took one last look at the mantel, where a photo of his brother in his black-metal band uniform was placed next to an urn of his ashes.