Vol 55: Issue 40

Local

Mom Arrives From Other Room For Semi-Hourly Report On Game
News, News In Brief

Nation’s Top Pseudoscientists Harness High-Energy Quartz Crystal Capable Of Reversing Effects Of Being Gemini
American Voices, Opinion

Trump Publicly Calls For China, Ukraine To Investigate Bidens
Politics

Trump Furiously Searching Raytheon Catalog For Gift After Realizing He Promised China And Ukraine Same Javelin Missile
Entertainment

Nation Ashamed To Admit They Would Probably Look Up John Goodman’s Nudes If They Leaked
Entertainment, Magazine

We Finally Found Where The Termites Are Coming From
Politics

Giuliani: ‘When The Going Gets Tough, I Can Always Look Back Fondly On The Events Of 9/11’
Sports

Vontaze Burfict Expresses Deep Regret For Letting Jack Doyle Live
Local

Bag Of Cocaine Mostly Stems
News, News In Brief

New Patriotic Gatorade Ad Shows Terrorists Being Waterboarded With Gatorade
American Voices, Opinion

Investors Return To Saudi Arabia Year After Khashoggi Killing
Local

Report: Katelyn To Keep Her Headphones In During Entire 2-Hour Drive To Soccer Game
Infographic, News

Pros And Cons Of A Wealth Tax
Local

Woman Walking Through Woods In Autumn Loves Crunch Of Freshly Fallen Birds Underfoot
Entertainment

FBI Warns ‘Downton Abbey’ Screenings Could Be Target For Shootings By Disgruntled Royalist
American Voices, Opinion

Sanders Cancels Campaign Events To Receive Heart Stents
Politics

Kamala Harris Undergoes Heart Surgery After Seeing Positive Reception For Sanders

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