Vol 55: Issue 34

Politics

Aides Struggle To Stop Dozens Of Kerosene-Soaked Republicans From Lighting Selves Ablaze Atop David Koch’s Body
Local

Every Ingredient In Recipe Substituted To Avoid Trip To Store
American Voices, Opinion

Bernie Sanders Launches $16 Trillion Climate Plan
News, News In Brief

David Koch Pumps Billions Of Dollars Into Campaign To Secure Antonin Scalia A Seat In The Holy Trinity
Infographic, News

Impact Of The Massive Fires In The Amazon Rainforest
News, News In Brief

Disneyland Employee Hastily Ad-Libs Story About How Much Goofy Loves Napping On The Pavement
Sports

Kid Only Pitcher Because He’s Son Of Coach, Gets Daily One-On-One Training, Goes To Pitching Camp Every Summer
Local

Idiot Walking Around With Fly Open
Local

Christmas-Obsessed Woman Worships Christ Year-Round
Sports

Derek Carr Distraught After Reading ‘Hard Knocks’ Script Where He Stabs Antonio Brown In Season Finale
OGN

We Imprison Hideo Kojima In An Interview Room Until He Breaks Down And Admits He’s Just Making Shit Up As He Goes Along
Infographic, News

Pros And Cons Of Tax Exemptions For Religious Institutions
Local

Man Who’s About To Cry Bursts Out Of Crowded Room Like He’s Transforming Into A Werewolf
American Voices, Opinion

Poll: Half Of Trump Voters Would Blame Him For Recession
News, News In Brief

Brazilian Government Equips Firefighters With Flamethrowers To Combat Massive Amazon Rainforest
Sports

Derek Jeter Just Going To Go Ahead And Count Stray Cats In Marlins Attendance Figure
Politics

Crowd Roars In Approval As Makeup-Smeared Trump Begs Rally To Tell Him He’s Beautiful

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