Vol 54: Issue 8

Politics

‘Please, I'll Tell You Everything,’ Whimpers Rick Gates After Mueller Threatens To Send Him Back To White House
American Voices, Opinion

Joss Whedon Exits ‘Batgirl’ Movie
News, News In Photos

Exhausted Olympian Finally Decides To Rent Pyeongchang Hotel Room Instead Of Flying Home To America Each Night
Politics

John Kelly Struggles To Maintain Believable Trump Impression During Phone Calls With Parkland Survivors
News, News In Brief

New Evidence Suggests President George Washington Sent Woodcut Of Penis To Secretary
News, News In Brief

Author Of ‘Introduction To Algebra’ Recalls Textbook Being Rejected By 12 Publishers Before Getting Accepted
News, News In Brief

New Report Finds Link Between Each Passing Day, Jeanette Getting More Beautiful
Politics

Marco Rubio Still Rock-Hard Days After Being Publicly Humiliated On National Stage
Commentary, Opinion

Watching The Olympics Has Inspired Me To Start Trying To Jump Over Stuff
Sports

Eagles Fans Finally Sober Enough To Return To Work
News, News In Brief

Sighing, Resigned Climate Scientists Say To Just Enjoy Next 20 Years As Much As You Can
American Voices, Opinion

Jennifer Lawrence Tells Critics Of Her Versace Dress To ‘Get A Grip’
Local

Barista Gets Sick Little Thrill Telling Coffee Shop Customers There No Restroom
Sports

Spectators Bombarded With Gamma Radiation As Rapidly Spinning Figure Skater Collapses Into Singularity
American Voices, Opinion

Ivanka Trump To Keep Focus On Athletes, Not North Korea, During Winter Olympics Trip
News, News In Photos

Wayne LaPierre Accidentally Blows Hand Off During CPAC Speech
News, News In Brief

Oxfam: ‘Your Donation Will Help Us Protect Impoverished Girls From Our Employees’

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