Vol 38: Issue 34

News, News In Brief

Director of High-School Play Buys Director's Chair Out Of Own Pocket
Politics

Senators Wish Domenici Would Bring Dog To Work More Often
Local

Apartment Set Up To Create Illusion Of Well-Rounded Life
Entertainment

Son Surprised Dad Knows Johnny Cash Song
Commentary, Opinion

I'm Not Proud Of Some Of The Things I've Done
Infographic, News

Tracing Your Genealogy
Entertainment, Time Killers

Top New Terms For 'Nerd'
Entertainment, Horoscopes

Horoscope for the week of September 18, 2002
Dispatch, News

Area Man Always Nostalgic For Four Years Ago
Commentary, Opinion

Keepin' It Real In Tha Midstate Crib
Local

Teen Humiliated By Activist Mom
American Voices, Opinion

Europe, The U.S., And Saddam
Politics

Bush Sends Troops To West Nile
News, News In Photos

iPod Flaunted
Dispatch, News

Report: Al-Qaeda Allegedly Engaging In Telemarketing
News, News In Photos

Smithsonian Institution Politely Declines Sofa From Charles In Charge
Infographic, News

Making McDonald's Healthier

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Journey through 268 years of highly acclaimed, universally revered reporting. The Onion‘s archives comprise the most powerful and influential news coverage in human history.

Explore More

Historical front pages from The Onion's historical archive.

Vol 38: Issue 34

Director of High-School Play Buys Director's Chair Out Of Own Pocket

Senators Wish Domenici Would Bring Dog To Work More Often

Apartment Set Up To Create Illusion Of Well-Rounded Life

Son Surprised Dad Knows Johnny Cash Song

I'm Not Proud Of Some Of The Things I've Done

Tracing Your Genealogy

Top New Terms For 'Nerd'

Horoscope for the week of September 18, 2002

Area Man Always Nostalgic For Four Years Ago

Keepin' It Real In Tha Midstate Crib

Teen Humiliated By Activist Mom

Europe, The U.S., And Saddam

Bush Sends Troops To West Nile

iPod Flaunted

Report: Al-Qaeda Allegedly Engaging In Telemarketing

Smithsonian Institution Politely Declines Sofa From Charles In Charge

Making McDonald's Healthier

Unlock ‘The Onion’ Vault

Sections

Explore